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SOP Sample with Mistakes Spotted

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The notion of pursuing Masters started when I was working on the project LOGON during my undergraduation. ( IS THAT A GAMING ONE? WHAT DID U DO IN THAT? – Avoid CAPS)…The visceral design and development of computer games  …. Grabbed the opportunity to work in this burgeoning field through one of the pioneers in gaming industry, EA games. Working on very popular games, Tetris, Fifa Street 3, Sims2, SimCity, Godfather, NFS pro street, Burnoutgave me a good exposure to the world of [game design ]. Love of games combined with intellectual challenge of designing them using Artificial Intelligence motivated and kindled my passion to explore further in this field

The professional experience after college helped me develop new techniques in the [world of gaming] and boosted my confidence in managing different level of tasks. Worked on porting games from one mobile to other ( revise sentence). Working with other passionate gaming engineers [gave me a chance to work in a team]. I am (confident) that these skills will give me a tremendous edge over the competition and keep me in good stead during the demanding years at your graduate school

[I would also like to add that the interdisciplinary nature of Computer Gaming fascinated me in taking this decision]

[Depending on Univ. I would like to XXXX my skills in gaming by taking courses related to Gaming Design, Artificial Intelligence and Graphic Algorithms offered by Computer Science Department at SJSU. I have looked at the courses and work being done by so and so profs]

(I worked on many present popular games of EA like FIFA Street 3, Sims, Tetris, Godfather etc. My work mainly concentrates on porting the games from one mobile to another rather than developing them. )

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My grades throughout my high school and college reflect my aptitude. I can strongly say that getting awarded and recognized in a State Level Science Talent Search Examination during my high school had significant impact to take on [additional challenges]. Expanded my horizons and discovered my inner potential by organizing various science fairs. Eventually, was ranked amongst the top 2% of 10,000 students that appeared for a State Level Engineering Entrance test. Under Graduation in one of the reputed colleges of the state xxxxx( Revise the sentence). The core concepts of Computer Science Operating xxxxx …. With an internship in S/w Company have helped me XXXX. I have constantly demonstrated the yearning to go beyond the requirements of the curriculum and carried my [interest] in the practical application of concepts. Working with a team of four had given me a new perspective on the various software management skills and quality measures. I had always been aggressive in meeting deadlines while assuring the assuring the quality of the project.

 [Any seminars/the work that you have doen with ur chapter caught attention of CS faculty

The web based tool u developed for the CS dept…] The approvers commended the complexity and the detail that I have included in the software

 [Do you want to mention abt any certifications you were planning to give?

Helped me involve in various technical and non-technical( use curricular and extra – curricular) related activities during Under-graduation ( don’t use under-graduation, instead use Bachelor’s degree). Was one of the key members in starting a Computer Science Tech Forum (as part of Computer Society of India Chapter). The forum involved conducting seminars and workshops on Computer assembly and Practical Programming. Organized a workshop on PC assembly and Ethical Hacking for new graduates. These activities helped in improving my inter personal and team management skills. Have given seminars on Cyber and xxx. Was one of the key members in organizing a Cultural Fest and Art Exhibition during my under graduation. Volunteered to donate the funds collected for Art Exhibition to a Child Heart Surgery.

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